Archive | January, 2016

dying

24 Jan

The most bizarre thing in the world is to know someone is dying right in front of your eyes, that your only job is to make the person as comfortable as possible and their last hours or moments as peaceful as possible.  It’s a really strange thing to be waiting for someone to die.  It sounds callous to even say that–waiting for someone to die.  But that is exactly what is happening right now.

 

On the flip side, I guess everyone that you encounter is dying in front of your eyes–maybe not as quickly as my father-in-law is slipping away from us right now, but the reality is that if you’re living, you’re dying at the same time.  That’s a really weird dichotomy.  One that makes me sad, because life is so beautiful and there are so many amazing things to do and experience, and I want to do them all.  But there is not time to do everything.  Life is just simply too short.  Do what you love, live it up, carpe those diems (which may be something Jen P has said…if she hasn’t, I feel it is a very Jen P thing to say).

 

death

 

 

 

Gray

9 Jan

I went through a brief period of time in high school where I thought I might want to become a lawyer.  I even joined the mock trial team (yeah I know…nerd alert…hard core).  I loved it–we got all the documents for a “case” (that was based on an actual case) and then prepared for both sides of the argument.  Real lawyers would come to help us and teach us about ways to argue, what types of things to say, how to craft opening and closing statements.  It was super cool (again…nerd alert).

 

One of the attorneys we worked with was a defense lawyer.  I remember thinking how I couldn’t imagine being a defense attorney.  Who could defend the bad guys?

 

And my ultimate reason for giving up the law dream–if I were a prosecutor and I failed, the bad guys would be out there.  I couldn’t live with myself knowing that.

 

Naïve little Shme, thinking life was so black and white.  Good guys and bad guys.  Nothing in between.  No gray area.

 

But the truth is there’s always gray area.  And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized this.  People who I thought at one time were so good have done or said really bad things.  People who I thought were bad have done good things.   People aren’t just good or bad.  They are a mix.  Gray.

 

We recently started watching Making a Murderer.   And it makes me sad.  Because sometimes the people who are accused are innocent.  They need a good lawyer, someone to believe in them and fight for them.  They need someone to defend them.  And sometimes the people who are supposed to be “good” are actually very, very bad.  They are the ones that we need to be protected from and defended against.  It makes me want to be a defense attorney again.   To try to do my part to right wrongs and help people who are innocent who can get screwed by the system.  Because getting screwed by the system is not something that should ever happen.  But it does.  And that is really sad.