16 Dec

When I was in high school, I had crap taped all over my closet doors and the back of the door to my room.  It was a giant collage of “me.”  Mostly, it was words and phrases, with the occasional picture of a cute shirtless soccer player or Joshua Jackson.  My favorite, though, was my handwritten copy of Desiderata.  I don’t remember the first time I read it–I want to say it was related to HELP/Challenge camps, where I was a counselor.  I just remember falling in love the first time I read it–enough in love to handwrite the entire thing out in different colors and tape it to my wall, reading it every night, part of my bedtime prayers (back when I still did the whole bedtime prayer thing).


I joke that Christmas Countdown is to de-Grinch-ify Eric, but the truth is that it is just as much for me.  Every year that we’ve been married, minus that first year when kids weren’t even on our radar, Christmas has lost some of its allure.  Growing up the oldest of 10 kids, I don’t know how to do Christmas as an adult, in an adult-only way.  I know visits to Santa, writing letters to him, decorating cookies with kids, stringing popcorn, children’s movies…I know Christmas for kids.  And every year that we have to do another holiday without kids (and seemingly further and further away from kids), especially one as kid-centric as Christmas, the more I just want to skip it all.  My parents’ split isn’t helping matters–I feel like every tradition that’s been important to me for my whole life is either gone because of them splitting or gone because we have no kids to share them with.  [And please don’t tell me we can share them with your kids…it’s so sweet of you…but I don’t want someone else’s kids…I want OUR kids…]
When we started doing injections, I started doing math and realized we’d be finding out either we were elated and spending our last holiday alone OR finding out we were devastated and spending ANOTHER holiday alone.  I realized it was time to flip Christmas on its head.  We talked and decided that this year, we were going to try a new Christmas tradition.  After some research, we decided we were going to Lake Placid in the Adirondacks.  Aptly chosen, a place with a name that means “calm”–something I haven’t been feeling much these days.  We booked our hotel pretty quickly and then waited to find out whether we’d be getting good news or bad news.  And we got bad news (again), sooner than expected, not even a week after we’d booked our hotel room.  And suddenly Placid seemed like the best idea we’d ever had–a chance to get away, just us, and enjoy the quiet beauty of the ADK in the winter.


In one week, we will already be checked into our hotel.  We will be out snowshoeing with Dog Dog.  We will probably be stopping by the Lake Placid Brewery, then we will be sitting in a hot tub. We will be far away from any of the stresses of “home.”  We will be making a new holiday tradition–one that doesn’t require kids.  One that’s just for us.  And I cannot wait.




<3 this man

❤ this man so much


“With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams, the world is still a beautiful place.”



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