Do you know what today is?

9 Apr

This morning, as I’m leaving the fertility doctor’s office, I get on the elevator with an older gentleman.  This struck me as weird, because the elevator was going down, but I was on the top floor (or so I thought) of the building, so I’m not sure where he came from.  Maybe he was just riding it up and down waiting for someone like me to get on.


So the doors close, and he smiles and says, “You know what day today is?”  And before I can say a word, he’s unbuttoned his shirt and is proudly displaying a tshirt that has a camel and says, “It’s hump day!”  The irony of this given my particular situation made me laugh.


I laughed so hard.  It was what I needed–another belly laugh.  I’ve been laughing all morning.  At the thought of turkey basters, at  my neighbor’s “Happy Thanksgiving” this morning, at my comment to Eric “let’s get basted!”  and also that I want to ask the doctor when it’s over if it was as good for her as it was for me.  And for some reason, I keep hearing the voice from the Hunger Games but instead of happy reaping day it’s happy basting day.


I was (and I guess still am) so against major medical interventions.  It takes all the beauty out of making a baby.  Everything is so medical and rational and completely devoid of passion.  You would think, being the big-time planner that I am, that this would all make me feel better about things.  Instead, I feel sad that this is what it’s come to.  This morning, sitting in the office, waiting to drop off a cup of sperm (which I had between my legs for the drive over and the wait for delivery because we weren’t sure if I needed to “incubate” it or not), I just kept thinking that I never would’ve thought it would come to this.  This is something that happens to other people, not to me.  This is something that couples who wait to have a baby til they’re 40 have to do.  This is something that people who are unhealthy, who don’t take care of their bodies have to do.  In a world where teenage girls get pregnant on a daily basis, there aren’t really words to express how much it sucks that THIS is what we have had to resort to.  I know that I’ve been anxious and worried because I haven’t slept well in a few days now, and I keep having strange dreams.


All that being said, this is the first time that I’ve been hopefully excited in a long time.  I hate it.  I know that mentally I’m setting myself up for serious heartbreak if things don’t work–and the chances for things not to work are great, just like with any attempt at pregnancy.  When you really think about those numbers (it’s like 15-25% odds or something for the general population), it’s kind of a miracle that we’ve continued to grow so exponentially as a species.  Truly amazing.  All I know is that when the doctor showed me the monitor yesterday and said “there’s the follicle that is going to hopefully make your baby” I cried, and for once they were happy tears.


Eric’s card to me that’s been on our fridge for well over a year now (probably closer to 2) says  that everyone travels different journeys to get places, and ours is giving us a better story to tell.  I guess so, and I sure hope that the story has a happy ending.





One Response to “Do you know what today is?”

  1. Martina Bex April 9, 2014 at 2:59 pm #

    I am praying with every ounce of prayer I can muster!!! Come on, little follicle, you can do it!!!

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