made up

11 Jan

I remember the first time I wore make up.  I was in middle school, and on my way out the door, I went into my mom’s make up drawer and put on a lot of coats of mascara.  I already have long lashes, so the mascara was very obvious.  My mom came to pick me up from one of my extracurricular activities (probably a sport, but maybe a club meeting…).  She took one look at my face, asked me where I got the mascara from and forbid me to wear it again.  I don’t remember when I started wearing it again…sometime in high school I think.  Now I never leave home without it.  In high school, my art teacher told me that I had eyes that should be in a mascara commercial, and I think that’s when I decided that mascara was going to be my thing.

I’ve experimented so many times since then with various other types of make up.  I really love putting it on–something about it just makes me feel sexy and beautiful and…completely not myself.  No matter how much I try, “grown up” make up just makes me feel different and fake.  Made up, but not in a good way.

For as often as I have played around with make up, I rarely wear anything more than a little foundation and a lot of mascara out of the house.  If we’re going somewhere or doing something special, I might throw on some blush or shimmery eye shadow.  But I never leave home without mascara on, even to go run… When we decided to be more minimalist, I eliminated a lot of make up, because I never actually “used” it.  Eye shadows, lipsticks, eye liner.  I never used it, so why keep it?

Tonight I was playing around again.  I love how smokey eyes look on other people.  It’s so glamorous.  Tonight, with my limited make up, I decided to attempt the smokey eye.  Again.  It didn’t really come out “smokey”–it never does.  I think I’m too afraid to put a lot of make up on–pretty sure I need more liner and darker eye shadows.  Even though it’s not actually “smokey eye,” it does look kind of pretty.   I like how I feel when I put on more make up than usual–just feeling DIFFERENT.  But I can’t imagine going out of the house like this–I feel like a poser or something.  Maybe I’ll try to wear it out sometime, though.  Just to see what it’s like…

me

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