mumbo jumbo

19 Aug

Last year, I was miserable.  I wish I had looked at things more reasonably back then…all I could see was the negatives, even though my life was (and is) rife with positives.  But my negatives were pretty big, and I let them take over my life.  I was super depressed over the baby (more appropriately the lack thereof), and so my shitty job only contributed to that.  I was absolutely NOT doing what I loved or wanted to be doing, but felt there was no way out. 


So in March, when the RCSD called to offer me a part-time job teaching ESOL, I was torn. 


Part of me saw it as a great chance to start fresh, to teach something new and exciting, and most importantly, to work better hours (charter schools are the pits in my experience). 


Part of me saw it as a scary gamble. It was part time, so it was slightly less money than what I’d been making, and I wasn’t sure we could get by on that.  Scarier still, it was only considered a “long term sub” job until the end of June.  Then I’d have to reapply and see what happened. 


Eric and I talked a lot about it.  And finally he told me that until I was happy, I had to keep looking for something else.  So if this was it, then we’d make it work.  If it wasn’t, then I could always apply for other things at the end of the school year.  I accepted the job, started and LOVED it.  The end of the school year passed by in a happy blur–my students were fabulous, I loved what I was teaching, my coworkers were cool, my hours allowed me to actually have a life again…


At the end of June, I was feeling pretty good about things.  Everyone I’d worked with had loved me, including the department head.  He told me not to worry, that he had every intention of keeping me in the district, they can’t afford to lose good teachers.  The superintendent had said that everyone would be placed by July. 


But July came and went and I hadn’t heard anything.  The jokes from Eric and our friends about how I was unemployed and dependent on Eric started to hit a little too close to home with every passing day. 


I went to the doctor for more fertility testing and was told that we were ready to start meds whenever, but realized we couldn’t if I didn’t get rehired, because we wouldn’t have insurance. 


This morning, I woke up at my parents’ house, where I’m staying while Eric’s on his Columbia trip to Oregon.  I was up before anyone (which is strange in a house with so many little kids).  I was walking with Picasso in their park-like (seriously) backyard, thinking about all of it–the baby stuff (some things were said last night that kind of made me sad and wistful) and the job stuff, and where my life is, and how much I’ve changed…


I came inside to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t.  So I popped on the Internet.  I checked my email last, because I was sure it was too early for there to be anything, if there would even be any news.  Lo and behold, emails from both the department head and HCI, offering me a job for next fall!  And not any job–a full-time, probationary position!!!!!!! 


When I took the job in March, I was so scared.  What if I’d just completely shot myself in the foot by doing this?  What if I didn’t get rehired in the district?  Would I ever get hired anywhere if not there?  Would this be the end of my teaching career?


I took the job telling myself all kinds of universe-will-come-back-to-help-you-out, karma-is-real mumbo jumbo.  If you put yourself out there for the world, you will be rewarded.  I am a planner, so not knowing for sure what was going to happen this fall terrified me.  I can’t really express that enough. 


I’m so glad it all worked out.  I wish Eric were here to share my good news.  He’s not even within cell phone range until sometime today, my guess is after they raft all day (so more like late tonight).  I can’t wait to tell him.  Seriously this is the best news ever!!!


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