live and learn

23 Feb

Today I was supposed to run 16 miles.  I debated when to run/where to run.  Eric had a 5k this morning in Spencerport and I decided to just run home from there, tacking on some extra miles by running up to the lake first.
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I focused for the better part of the run on the negatives (probably not a good plan).  So let’s get those out of the way first.

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1.  I got up at 7:30 and ate a bowl of cereal.  Then I went to Eric’s race, walked around there some, and didn’t start running until after 11.  Last night, I had a leftover pork chop and a little mashed potatoes for dinner.  That adds up to me leaving for my run hungry.  I waited to take my first shot block until mile 4.  That was a bad decision–I should’ve taken a couple before I even started.  By mile 5, I was having dizzy spells and my legs felt like lead.

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2.  I went out way too fast.  I knew it.  I kept telling myself to slow down, but I still ran just over 9 minute miles for the first 5 miles.  I would’ve been ok doing that for a bit longer had I properly fueled my body, but I hadn’t.  And I paid for it over the last 3-4 miles of my run today.

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3.  I had a cell phone with me, which made me consider calling Eric for a ride home.

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4.  I did not dress appropriately.  I don’t know what would’ve been appropriate.  I stopped to ditch my jacket around mile 5 because I was sweating so much.  But then I made a turn and around mile 7, I started to get really cold again and had to put the jacket back on.  On these in-between days, clothing choices are really tough for me.  I think because I was so uncomfortable in other ways, the discomfort of my clothing choices irritated me more than it normally would’ve.

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5.  I am a baby.  I get frustrated with myself and then I shut it down.  Today, I’m glad I indulged my baby side–I’m feeling nauseous and exhausted, so running farther would’ve probably made me sicker, and that’s no good for anyone.  But as I was struggling through the last miles today, I allowed myself plenty of negative self talk.  I thought about how much farther I’d run before, why I couldn’t do that today, how I had made poor decisions in my pre and early run stages and how I needed to suck it up and sleep in the bed I’d made for myself.  I need to stop doing this.  I just read a quote that you should say one nice thing about your body every day.  And I love the one about not saying to yourself anything you wouldn’t want to say to a friend.  I have a negative self talk problem and I need to quit it.

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So now let’s look at the positives.

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1.  I finished my run.  I did not get in the miles I was supposed to.  In fact, I should’ve run for another hour at least.  However, I did not cave.  I texted Eric at mile 6 to tell him I was on my way home, calling it quits early.  He offered to come pick me up–at that point I was still 3-4 miles from home.  I told him that I was going to try to go home on my own, walking if needed.  I thought about texting him back several times–in fact, I ran with my phone in my hand the rest of the way home.  But I never did.  I never gave myself that satisfaction (which would’ve later turned to disappointment had I done it) of calling him up for a ride.  I have never been so happy to see my street.  I was only going to get in 9 miles.  I didn’t even care.  I finished and sat on the front step for a long time before I went in.

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2.  I learned some good lessons about pacing (don’t go out too fast–slow the ef down, shme!) and nutrition (you have to fuel properly if you’re going to run well and feel good).  These are lessons I know, but I guess this is a good reminder and/or I saw in action what happens if you don’t follow the “rules.”

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3.  I hit the wall for the first time ever (I think).  I just couldn’t do it.  I had stopped for a quick walk break, started again with the intention of going a half mile.  I started and didn’t think I could go a half mile.  So I told myself to go a quarter mile.  And I couldn’t.  I couldn’t make it.  My legs were dead, my arms were dead (sometimes when my legs get tired, I just swing my arms really hard to give myself the necessary propulsion)…I felt awful.  So I stopped, walked when I needed to.  My pace dropped by almost 2 minutes per mile.  But I kept going.

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4.  I kept going.  I came home, sat on the step, wallowed in it for a bit, came in and said “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to run this marathon in a couple of months.”  “You’re going to put one foot in front of the other,” Eric said, dismissively.  I’ve got this in control.  I’ve still got lots of time left.  I have a new plan, I’m going to give my all.  When Buffalo is over, I don’t know that I’ll ever train for another marathon.  It’s so much work and it’s exhausting and I don’t really enjoy it.  So finish this up and then focus on getting faster in shorter races!

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So next weekend, we are running a race Saturday morning.  So 5 miles fast Saturday, then Sunday I will be up to do a 16 (I hope) miler.  Game on.

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