great news!

21 Feb

Growing up, I wanted to do a lot of things.  There were many years of dreaming of being a marine biologist, followed by wanting to be an author, then an oncologist (my bio teacher was very disappointed when I decided not to go the med-school route), and a brief stint of wanting to be a lawyer.  There was not really any time where I thought about being a teacher, right up til my senior year of high school.  All of my career dreams from childhood and young adulthood went out the window when I decided that I wanted to be a teacher.

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I’m not sure why I never considered teaching prior to that.  Growing up in a big family, I guess I’ve been teaching my whole life.  I was one of the ring-leaders.  All eyes were on me (and the other older kids) and I took that very seriously.  I’ve always been a teacher, I guess.  And I’ve always loved it.

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The past three and a half years of teaching have been hell.  It’s not really been bad because of the kids so much as the adults.  That’s not to say that the kids are not always fabulous.  But I think the kids would’ve been “just kids” in my head if I’d had administrative support and/or had the time to decompress/relax once in a while (there’s a reason that I’ve been falling asleep before 9 many times this year).  I’ve seriously considered what it is that I want to do.  Eric has asked me numerous times the past few years what I would do, what I want to do. I have spent countless nights thinking about it, reflecting, crying…

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And I’ve always realized that there is really nothing I want to do that doesn’t involve working with kids.  Teaching is what I’ve always done.  And maybe it’s tooting my own horn, but I think I’m pretty good at it.  I know I got much better and I know I will continue getting better as I continue teaching.  Teaching is my gig (until we become independently wealthy ha).  I just needed to find my niche.

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Which is why I’m so excited about this new teaching job.  I’ve been communicating with the city schools for a LOOOOONG time now.   And finally I’m back in!  Teaching ESOL, which is what I REALLY want to do most!  I am so excited.  I’m also nervous (teaching Spanish 1 is EASY after six and a half years of it).  I’m nervous to start over.  I’m nervous to be splitting time between schools.  I’m nervous about working with so many new people.  I’m nervous about next year.  But mostly I’m excited.

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I’m excited to be a real teacher again.  I’m excited to hopefully work somewhere where I am allowed to do my job.  I’m excited to be able to have time to do fun extras for students who are deserving.  I’m excited to (hopefully) work with kids who are appreciative of the extras (where I am now, it’s expected and the kids are entitled because of it).  I’m excited to work “normal” school hours and be able to go to even CALL the doctor during the day without having to get someone to cover a class for me.  I’m excited to work with kindergarteners!  I’m excited to see what this teaching-in-jail program is all about.  I’m excited to (hopefully) feel like I am in a good place to have a baby.  Or two or three.

Maybe I’m putting too many unrealistic expectations on this.  But I really think this is going to be an enormously positive change for me.  Friday, when they called to offer me the job, I felt so light.  By Tuesday, when I officially accepted the offer, my shoulders felt so good.  I’d been dreaming, horrible, weird dreams, for 2 weeks.  I haven’t had a dream since Friday.  Just blissful, calm sleep.  I am so ready to be happy again, and I hope this is the start of it…good things ahead!

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