sometimes…

4 Jan

Sometimes, the thought of running another marathon still scares me. It’s still unbelievable to me that I’ll be running 26.2 miles.  I mean, I wouldn’t even want to drive 26 miles to get some places.  That’s a long freaking way. Or more importantly that I’m going to be running so many miles in training.  I’m not sure if the marathon or the training for the marathon is freaking me out more.  Maybe I just need a little self pep talk.

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It’s far away.  I have plenty of time to train.  I was feeling really good about things.  But I’ve had a couple of rough runs in the past 2 weeks.  Things just not going as planned.  It’s snowy, so it’s hard to run.  The cold is killing my asthma.  I was coming down with a stomach bug (unbeknownst to me) so my 800’s didn’t go well.  I know on the one hand that these are all legitimate problems, that winter running is not going to be easy, but I will come back a stronger runner in the spring.  That being said, I don’t want to make excuses.  I want to train strong and hard. I want every run to go well.  I know they won’t all feel “great,” but I want the aftermath to feel great.  And the past few runs, it hasn’t.

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So now I’m kinda scared again.  A few weeks ago, I posted this on my other blog, so I’m going to re-post to remind myself that I’ve got this.  I don’t need to worry.  I need to train and trust in the training and know that I am strong. That the training isn’t always going to be easy or fun, but that’s what will make it worth it in the end.  I am capable.  I am going to be fine.  I am going to kick ass.

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Negative Thought #1:  What if I can’t train for this.

Reason To STFU:  I’ve already trained for this distance.  Through a HOT summer.  I had no idea what to expect.  I’m training in the winter–cooler temps.  I know what to expect.  I feel so much better prepared to train this go-round.  I trained for my first marathon almost exclusively alone (Eric DID go for a lot of long runs and parts of long runs towards the end, but most of my training was independent).  I now have a plethora of people I can run with should I need company for long runs.  We have tons of friends who run ultras–they log TONS of miles on weekends.  I will have no problem finding people to run with me.  Hooray.  I am so busy all the time with work.  I hate it.  This will force me to focus on what’s important.  And that is NOT work.  I contractually work long hours.  I don’t need to work extra hours.  I need to RUN!

Negative Thought #2:  This is going to hurt so bad.

Reason To STFU:  The truth is, i AM going to hurt.  I could barely walk after Corning.  It was miserable for a couple of days.  But at the same time, it felt GOOD.  (click on the link for a hilarious video about post-marathon pain)  Training hurt sometimes.  But it was rare.  It was tiring.  But I’m already tired, so whatever.  Saturday afternoon naps are nice.  Run 20 miles, ice, massage, stretch, nap.  Not a bad way to spend a day I suppose.  This will give me good reason to slow myself down a bit with some other things, in particular work.  And when I am hurting, I will make Eric give me a massage.  AND i have compression socks now.  So hopefully that will help, too.  I’m actually curious to see how they work on marathon aches and pains.

Negative Thought #3:  What if I don’t run well on race day?

Reason to STFU:  If I train hard, i just have to trust the training.  And ultimately, running a marathon is an accomplishment, regardless of finishing time.  Most people will never even toe the line.  I think I lose sight of that because so many of our friends now are runners, so it seems like it’s “not that big a deal.”  But the truth is, training for a marathon IS a huge deal.  Probably a bigger deal than the actual race, to be honest.  So i trust in my training and I go with it.  100,000 things can change how race day goes–weather, body issues, sleep issues, etc.  All i can control is my preparation.  I need to focus on this–in EVERY aspect of my life.  Stressing out and worrying does not help ANYTHING.  So i will put forth my best effort for training.  and then i will tear it up at the end of May when all of my hard work pays off.

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So remind me of all of this when I have these moments of freak-out-ness like I am tonight.  I am a worrier.  Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair–gives ya something to do, but gets you nowhere.  No more useless worrying.  Time to focus on the positives and learn from the negatives.  Time to train hard.  Time to trust in the training.  I’ve got this locked down.  Buffalo, you’d better watch out! I’m coming for you!

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